Maman

September 26, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I feel that my son will thank me down the road for not being bat-shit crazy. Well, that is my sincere wish, lets see if it is the outcome. I hope that he reflects in his twenties that I had certain expectations for his behavior but above all my semi-relaxed parenting style allowed him to find his way. That I taught him not be afraid to make mistakes and respected his need for some semblance of a private life.

Those are my overarching goals but I have to negotiate the toddler years first. There was a phase when I read so many parenting books and ended up thoroughly confusing myself. After some research the consensus is that everyone will tell you how to do things but you need to decide which strategies work best for you. We all need to come to terms with the fact that families are built on interactions between different temperaments. We cannot help but have an impact on each other so you might as well lead by example and accept that even if you try, you cannot always present the best version of yourself. Accept that you are human.

The French methods observed by Pamela Druckerman in “Bringing up Babe“ have influenced me greatly. She has it right in thinking that many North American parents are obsessed with indulging their child’s every whim. We as parents, especially mothers, are expected to bleed ourselves dry till we cannot sacrifice anymore. What kind of life is that? I’m sorry but I have no desire to live for my child and trust me, they will not be grateful for your overbearing ways.

In France, parents respect their child’s individuality and therefore try to create a relationship that considers their personality and preferences. But to define one’s identity you need to have both hard limits and a great deal of freedom. The French love their paradoxes non? But it makes sense because if there were no rules how could anyone play the game? Plus we live in a society where we are accountable to each other, so play nice. Clearly these boundaries vary according to age but overall time-outs are warranted when the child causes physical harm or disrespects someone else. Patience is key especially during the toddler years when they are still learning the social mores. But I like that within this system you frame why they cannot do certain things because they don’t have the right to. For example, your child does not have right to hit another child, Billy does not have the right be make fun of someone’s physical appearance. Having discussions of this nature also involves speaking to your child in an adult manner and about concepts of considerable depth. At all ages we need reminders that we strive to live in a respectful way.

Now, they lump together the rest of the behavior as some of annoyances and inconveniences that come with childhood. Yes, they will probably be messy and have sensitive moments but that is part of the package. Would I still explain to C why he cannot spread jam all over my walls (which he hasn’t by the way)? Yes, because I don’t want him to go over to my friend’s house and do the same. I don’t have the right to bring my child over to vandalize. But the important lesson is to always explain why and in turn encourage him to ask why.

So many people have children and don’t want to actually parent. It is not my job to be C’s friend. It is my duty to try to lead him while providing him with some agency and most importantly to love him. There will be times when he doesn’t like me very much, but that’s alright. Self-worth and good values are far more important.

To be social

September 19, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

In my twentieth attempt to quit gossip I decided to become more savvy in social media. I figured if I spend so much time using it to gain information I might as well also be a source of one too. I never realized how thrilling it would be. There are so many different platforms to meet your every need but here are two of my favourites.

Have you ever felt like there are too many tabs open in your brain? Pinterest will help you store some of that inspiration and in a format that is accessible anytime and anywhere. If you’re a control freak like me this is an online version of one of your to-do lists but the best part is that there is no temporal limit. Who cares if you don’t get to the file on “Decor inspiration” till two years down the road when you’ve actually bought a home. Also, if you’re a shopping fiend like me a file called “Products” can help keep track of what is on your radar. But trust, it’s dangerous for your cash flow because you will remind yourself of things you want. You can follow my Pinterest boards here.

Tumblr helps to make up for Pinterest’s shortcomings. My two most active boards on Pinterest were “Style” for my fashion inspiration and “Mapping beauty” where I posted images that I find beautiful. But without an archive button it is difficult to locate that Emerson Fry jumper or Neil Patrick Harris’ photo. With Tumblr you can upload these photographs but can also find them again later. I started one of these accounts when I was looking for news about a certain Canadian ice dance pair. US weekly doesn’t really cover the lives of figure skaters and fans always have more information. So amongst the outfits, plates of food and travel destinations their faces would pop up every now and then. Now I’ve kind of lost interest in them so I’ve purged my account, short a few images, and the blog reflects my current interests. See but this is the strength of Tumblr, it allows for this type of flexibility. That and the ability to control your content. In Pinterest one way to garner followers is to follow individuals who re-pinned one of your items. The positive aspect of this is that your feed reflects the preferences of so many different people form various backgrounds. The limitation in this is that you sometimes have to weed through spiritual quotes and crafting instructions. With Tumblr there are endless amounts of fashion bloggers to follow and they provide the type of content that you’re looking for. There is less filler. I run my Tumblr account found here as Kate Smith. Surprise, surprise.

Although distinct this and other social media platforms are just a way to mold your online brand. Of course most of us aren’t selling anything but our day to day life requires putting forth a certain identity. Just like you had that cork board of notes, photographs and postcards in your youth, it’s here again, just online. The best part is that you can create or erase, alter or keep whatever suits your needs in the present. We all know that it’s written in ink and will last forever, so of course take care. It goes without saying that one must educate the kids for sure but perhaps an extracurricular activity would also help. There’s nothing better than going out and having an actual conversation. But I almost feel like it’s become so banal. Like with anything, your past actions impact the now, with or without the photos at the bar being hammered.

Misfit

September 15, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / 2 Comments

There are moments when you’re searching for employment that are downright depressing. It’s like looking at the wasteland of all your half-finished schemes and things you could have done differently. In my case, I feel overqualified for some of the opportunities and the things that I actually want to do I don’t have the experience for.

We all know the importance of hustling, that there will be sacrifices and fatigue so severe you want a short reprieve. That if you really want to go after your dreams, you sometimes have to start in the mailroom. I understand all of this but I just think all the years we spent on gaining an education should count for something. Because I chose the path of a graduate education, that event planning position that I would pay to have now probably is not feasible. I’ve always wanted to be a party planner, I was just afraid that it was not “legitimate” enough and what a shame. I should have started in the mailroom in my early twenties right out of undergrad. Hindsight is 20/20.

What a waste to regret anything though. You’re allowed one day to mope and that’s it because after that you’re just wallowing. Growing up means that you look at what you are trained to do and frame it for a position that you would be proud of and love. I understand the value of going after what you want but some dreams are not meant to come true and that’s alright. Not all of us can be rock stars.

I just thought that I would have it together by now. In a year or two I know that things will be clearer and beginnings are what you have to muddle through. Growing up with Sex and the City I imagined myself a certain way in my mid-thirties. I still have time, it’s all about being strategic right? Every girl plays the game of deciding which character they are. Most people would say that I’m Charlotte. It’s true, I’m proper, traditional in many ways and cringe at some aspects of subversive culture. But I always admired Carrie’s vulnerability. Her flaws made her so much more relatable. She was not always the greatest friend, partner or even person but you still loved her. I’d say most of us have aspects of all four characters: Miranda’s drive, Samantha’s bravery, Carrie’s confidence and Charlotte’s heart. I know that the show Girls is written with a similar goal to empower women, but perhaps with more of an edge. Goodness gracious Ms. Dunham you are smart. Both are valuable, but Carrie and co. are so much more aspirational. I love you Lena but I would choose their careers and wardrobes over that version of reality any day. Life’s a mess but I don’t really need to see it in technicolour all the time.

Racket

September 5, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I watched Twilight. Not just the first one but the whole damn saga and I’m not embarrassed in the least. Someone with an Ivy League education was equally as excited to watch Eclipse with me at the Thai-Burma border. So if it’s not above her all you judgey people can take a walk around the block. Plus, it was mainly for Robert Pattinson. Yes, my teenage dream transferred from Channing Tatum to that “complicated” London bloke. Weird. Though right now you might want to lay off some of the “stuff” Patty. Just look at Leo Dicaprio to see what too much Ibiza does to the system.

Anyways, have you ever consumed popular books or films to see what exactly all the hype is about? You soon learn that some of the praise is mainly created through noise and good PR while others actually do deliver. But popularity produces targets and snobs who feel that these well-liked things aren’t particularly special. The game-changers never like to be part of the crowd. I get that, but sometimes it’s nice to smell the roses even if everyone and their mother are doing the same.

Now here’s my take on two blockbusters and one of them even has a Robert Pattinson connection. Ha. At the height of its hype it seemed like everyone was talking about “50 shades of Grey.” Sure it’s not exactly Tolstoy or Ondaatje but it was still entertaining. I don’t understand how people expect NPR content for every single thing that is produced and consumed in the world. The smutty parts didn’t exactly thrill or shock me but was definitely an education. It made me pause and say hmm, I didn’t know there was a method for that. At the end of the day though it’s not the whips or the room full of toys that excited me. It’s the powerful man I like, not the handcuffs he offers. Give me a fully clothed man over Magic Mike any day. Ideally he’d be reading a paper in the Paris sun with wayfarers and a nicely cut suit. The Robert Pattinson connection is that “50 Shades” started out as a Twilight fanfic. So, basically Patty is Christian Grey. I dig that. He looks accomplished without being too pretty.

The other successful novel that fully provides what it’s selling is “Crazy Rich Asians” but perhaps I like it for different reasons than the average reader. It is set in the elite circles of Singapore where the wealth and privilege goes back generations and is not from recent investment in natural resources or whatever else is making money these days. No, these families exploited people during the colonial era and actually did a good job of protecting their assets. They were not subjugated by the Europeans but also had a hand in subjugating others. The premise is that an educated Asian-American woman goes to visit her boyfriend’s family and quickly learns that she is out of her league in his world. She can’t quite read the social signals or transactions and everyone thinks that she’s fond of him for the wrong reasons, when in fact she only recently learned of his privilege. Plus clearly in their eyes she is not good enough for him since her blood does not have even a hit of blue. The first thing I love about this concept is that we are not in Victorian England or Downton Abbey to witness how the upper echelon of racialized individuals operate. Secondly, the very first chapter that takes place in a European hotel lobby makes up for every instance we’ve had to feel subhuman. When we were thought to be uncouth (when we weren’t) or to loud (when we aren’t). Again, the majority of us will never live this reality but the author Kevin Kwan does, and he does not hold back. You know that he is writing about his cousin’s second wife’s mother-in-law or whomever else is part of his network. God, I wonder if they still speak to him. I promise that they turn a nose up that he’s selling their secrets for some pocket change. The fact of the matter is though that in many societies it still matters who your grandparents were and what your name signals. Of course there should be more social justice and vast differences in wealth disparity is unfortunate. But there are certain practices that do stand the test of time. I do agree that it is gauche to talk about money and there is something to be said about being secure enough about your positioning and where precisely you stand. Pride and arrogance are two very different things and have varying outcomes.

I will forever roll my eyes at those who are too good for certain programs or products. Sure, it many not be your thing but it doesn’t mean that someone else can’t find value or connect with it. Yes, I would never watch those teenage mother shows but maybe it is someone’s current reality or will convince others to prioritize other endeavours. It’s like these people want everyone to consume bran cereal all the time when a bit of marshmallows or raisins even could liven things up. Come on now.

Imposition

August 5, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

My relatives maintain that Andrew is the most Burmese white man I could have chosen to marry. He eats chillies like a champ and does not even bat an eye at the condition of lavatories when you’re on a road trip in Southeast Asia. In all seriousness my love for him grew when I witnessed the ease with which he negotiated the different culture and the inner workings of my family. Apparently he holds himself and presents himself to the social world in a very “Burmese” way. And that’s amazing, we all want our partners to hold in high esteem something we value so much.

What surprises me more is that he often is more Ah-na dare than me. This term expresses the desire not to inconvenience or be an imposition to others and is a prevalent aspect of Burmese culture. The best example of this is, when someone asks you if you want something, you would commonly reply with “that’s okay.” Now, this would frustrate many Westerners and they would ask again, probably with some impatience, so, is it a yes or a no? Along the same vein is the fear of losing face. This phenomenon is the abhorrence of being embarrassed publicly. Trust me, you never want to cause anyone to lose face because there can be very real and often violent consequences. Apparently being shamed sometimes warrants pulling out a gun and serving a prison sentence. To an outsider these characteristics may seem backward or archaic but I think these anxieties are present but performed differently in the global North. We may avoid the incarceration but we try to rebuild our hurt pride through consumption, other markers of prestige or by putting others down. To some a hurt credit card and an imagined sense of superiority makes everything better. That’s lame.

Now there are some aspects of the cultural practice of not wanting to inconvenience others that I like and others that I can do without. Not wanting to be a burden encourages independence and self-sufficiency. These are character traits that are valued in North American society and will serve you well on the journey to your standards for success. However, being Ah-na dare can make you feel scared to ask for assistance or favours. I’m often at a loss for words how Andrew doesn’t ask for much. He will actually go out of his way not to ask questions, especially to strangers in a foreign country. Perhaps it’s because he’s a white male and things usually just appear for him. But if there is one thing I have learnt from being raised within Western society, it’s that no one owes you a thing. They will also not give you anything that you don’t ask for, especially if you’re a racialized individual. Although I am still hesitant about being brash and straightforward with those I admire the most, I’ve learned to just get over it. Really, the worst thing that anyone can say is “no.” There is not a whole lot to lose and the freedom that comes from fearlessness is worth everything.

Represent

July 23, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

One of the more defining moments of undergrad consisted of a student stating that she didn’t see Denzel Washington’s colour when she watches his films. That’s about when the class went to hell in a hand basket. Another student who is of Filipino descent retorted that she wished that she could see her image on TV, that she also wanted her story to be told. Because you know, it’s true, however distorted or limited the representation is, we still want to be present. We want our beauty, history and cultural practices to be counted.

You don’t know how exciting it was for me to grow up actually seeing Asian characters on weekly dramas. I loved that Christina Yang (Sandra Oh) was a surgeon, so driven and slightly socially awkward. Ming-Na’s character on ER was so empathetic and likeable. John Cho made guest appearances and you felt sorry for him that he worked too hard during residency and drove over someone with his car. God, were they all doctors? I’m cool with that. I liked this version of the assertive, well-adjusted and intelligent representations of my Asian heritage. I much preferred this to the geishas, silent and meek companions or much of nothing at all.

But my question is, where are all the South Asian men? We sure have a long way to go but there is hope. If you’ve never seen the film Cairo Time please go rent it right now. Like tonight. It beautifully portrays a friendship and attraction between Patricia Clarkson and Alexander Siddig when she comes to visit the North African city. He serves as her companion to navigate the scorching streets and customs with more ease. The Egyptian culture is so beautifully rendered here through food, dance, family and colours. It’s brilliant. He is educated, liberal and works for the UN. This was the most positive and progressive representation of a South Asian man I had ever seen. Usually they are relegated to being terrorists, police officers or Saudi princes. This is similar to roles that Riz Ahmed (pictured below) is taking on of late. I’ve written of him briefly before but in short, he is an MC, attended Oxford, was a shit-disturber at his posh high school and is formed fully of charm and wit. I hope that he keeps working because I am actually excited for what he will bring to the table. In Closed circuit, which got awful reviews but I quite enjoyed, he is quote on quote a villain but as a member of MI5 he still complicates his exact motivations for carrying on the fight against terror. Ahmed adds more complexity and layers to where the British Muslim man exactly stands and it’s fascinating. We need more of this.

So my objective for writing this post is to remind us of the power of the media and films. They are not just sources for information or entertainment but help to act out the different textures of our lives. Observing one interpretation of a similar problem that you’ve encountered or a present one that you’re still grappling with, can allow us to tease out what kind of resolution we’re seeking. It helps us accept that more often than not there are no answers. It is also a rush to feel that difference is being represented. That difference is not considered ugly.

Faith

July 14, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

Isn’t there a saying that if you want to keep friends you don’t talk about religion or politics? Well, I’m surprised that I have any friends at all if this is the case. Technically I am a Buddhist, practically my religion lies in theory and common sense.

A fortune teller once told me that I had “stolen” someone’s spouse in a last life and that’s what I’m paying for now. Firstly, I’m pretty sure that romantic entanglements require participation from both parties. Secondly, it does not surprise me in the least that I was a shit-disturber in my past life. That’s what I appreciate about Buddhism. There are consequences to your behaviour but there are also opportunities to try to be better the next time around. There isn’t forgiveness and you have to pay your dues. This is very comforting to someone with my temperament who gets into many a situation purely because of my need to know and feel. It makes me think a bit more before I act.

Buddhists precepts also promote the concept of impermanence. Inaccurate interpretations suggest that this is a way of withdrawing from the world. I disagree. I believe it’s just a tool to interact with society in a calm, balanced and composed way. Attachment and favouring your ego can cause unnecessary pain because it instills a fear of the unknown. When you give into uncertainty and reconcile with the fact that both pleasure and pain eventually subsides, everything is more bearable.

When all religions are wiped clean of all of the self-righteous excuses to define the “other” they are all beautiful. What is better than a set of codes to help cultivate kindness and be held accountable for your actions? It’s the extremists who scare the living daylights out of me. When you interpret scripture for the purposes of control and dominance you are doing no favors. You can keep your exclusive club membership because I don’t want it. I will not give you the satisfaction by admitting that I somehow need to be saved.

Religion also helps you make meaning when theory ends, when even Foucault could not help explain the causes. It helps you cope with the childhood cancers, grandparents starving five year olds, war and thirteen year old girls being raped and thrown off of moving trains. It helps you face the heavy, twisted shit that makes you cold and sick. When you are baffled how people and life can be so cruel.

I subscribe to the belief that an open heart is the most important tool for life. The Dalai Lama in “The Art of Happiness” helps to articulate this strategy. He provides examples of how different religions would approach certain predicaments. They are all valid and equal in his eyes. This type of flexibility is so needed in our present world when we are all about safeguarding countries and putting up walls. Fluidity provides more opportunities to listen, and with that at least there are more opportunities to learn.

Catalysts and math

July 11, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

Whenever a production company is trying to sell a movie they start throwing around words like “chemistry,” “undeniable,” “connection.” Nine out of ten times it will work because it is the catnip for us romantics. Now, don’t play shy, you know it’s irresistible when you see it in your office, the grocery store, the parking lot. I know that you smile. So when it is available for public consumption? There is nothing better.

I highly doubt that it’s just smoke and mirrors. You can’t fake chemistry. You either have it or you don’t and some pairings work so well. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart come to mind, whatever you have to say about their former open-relationship and bisexual arrangement. I don’t know why anyone’s surprised. Rules are not always the smart choice in hollyweird where they pay the bills by kissing and pretending to love other people. How many conventional relationships do you think exist there? Who’s to say these arrangements are any less healthy than our “normal” relationships?

But returning to the topic of chemistry it can destabilize many foundations but that doesn’t mean that a relationship or commitment will result from it. I think after they’ve done it for a few years, actors just attribute that strong emotional connection to character bleed and move on. Have you ever seen a behind the scenes look? Couples are not formed in that awkward studio with those giant microphones. They are created in whisperings in trailers when they are “rehearsing” far from their families, responsibilities and home. I also think they recognize that this artificial environment and the feelings felt there do not always stand up in the daylight. The soft glow of the fantasy cannot withstand the glare of everyday life. There are exceptions of course. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet have a beautiful friendship post-Titantic. She even wears a plain gold band from him, engraved with a message, underneath her wedding ring. I reiterate, rules don’t exist the same way for celebrities with all of that wealth and freedom to choose. Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz also returned to their former lives and gave it another go, before realizing that they actually wanted to be with each other. So they cut the ties, wed and returned to living very private lives. Sometimes you can’t get it out of your system, and you’re not meant to.

The catalyst aspect of these chemical reactions is what fascinates me. Because some never begin, others die out while a rare few will survive. These are just questions because I don’t believe that there are well-formed answers as to why this happens. They just do. In December I was marking mid-terms at the public library. I was amongst the entire student body of North Toronto CI who were pretending to study. Now if the chatter wasn’t distracting enough there were two “friends” helping each other out with Calculus. I put the label in quotations because everything associated with the beginning was right there: the flirting, the leaning, the laughing. God, I felt like I was 17 again. Then his girlfriend showed up. And I was like, oh, it’s that grey zone. When she kept looking over with concerned looks I felt badly, because I thought, honey, I’m sorry but I’m not sure you’re going to like how this story gets played out. One of her guy friends even gave me a knowing look. Everyone at the table knew. Sure enough, two months ago I was leaving the library and guess who are now a couple? Calculus friends.

Chemistry can blow. I felt badly for the ex. But the new couple was cute.

Superlatives

July 9, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / 3 Comments

My husband and I came to the conclusion that we are slightly repulsed when couples call each other “honey.” I personally would rather have my partner say nothing to me at all than to refer to me as any type of food or condiment. Upon reflection we just realized that every couple has a style and that particular one was not ours. And that’s cool, it’s all good. But as per usual fashion I could not leave it alone. Why do I cringe at these affirmations?

Taking apart these types of questions is best done by someone with fresh eyes. I mean, can anyone really see themselves clearly? But, my best friend is moving across country, I’m not exactly about to ask her and her undergrad Psychology degree to sort this out. So, my prognosis is that I just like emotionally distant men. It’s almost for the sake of survival because my biggest nightmare lies in the form of bondage, and not the good kind. What’s worse than complete and utter emotional suffocation? Overbearing individuals. So it works. When I spot one I just usually run in the opposite direction.

But how did I get here? It’s Psychology 101 that relationships with different men in my life have shaped these preferences. I also attribute it to popular culture. My father continually teases me about this, but there is this figure skating movie that I’ve seen a total of twenty times, if not more. In The Cutting Edge two individuals from vastly different backgrounds and socio-economic classes are paired together to try to win Olympic Gold. I’m pretty sure this is why I always want on-screen couples and business partners to fall in love. They are both driven, competitive and the sexual tension is instantaneous. D.B. Sweeney is a gruff, meat and potatoes type of guy who likes hockey, winning and that’s about it. An injury has ended his career in the NHL and skating with Kate (Moira Kelly, my first girl-crush), an intelligent, snarky and wealthy figure skater is his last option, well other than working construction. And so their journey begins and they have this junior school playground interaction that you know behind closed doors is so hot. It’s fabulous. But there are so many obstacles in the way: fiancees, careers, misunderstandings, other figure skaters, the toe pick. It all comes to a head when a certain element is missed, words are spoken and with the chance that they may never see each other again, ta-da, they express their love for each other. And right before skating their program too. If only life was this simple. I swear, movies like this are fun but do nothing for people’s romantic illusions. If only the high school musicals spent 40 minutes showing people doing homework. You know what though, I rather that my heart remain tender. I want to believe that relationships and friendships can be glorious upheavals. That they can transform you. So did this film influence my desire to be with a reserved man? Check. Did I marry someone who plays hockey? Check. My husband reads more than the film’s star but he will never call me a natural sweetener and that, my friends, is a relief.

Etiquette

July 7, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / 2 Comments

Rules are at the very least for the bending. Following instructions to the T will probably make you one big bore, IKEA furniture being the only exception. Your desk might fall apart if you don’t. You probably shouldn’t touch pieces of art either. Really though, where would we be without the rule breakers? Without those who did not want to be caged within convention? Non-critical people are the biggest source of frustration for my husband. He does not get them. At all. Does that make us cynical and unhappy? Probably at times. It’s easy to be happy. It’s harder to view the world with playfulness and an adventurous heart.

But you know where regulations gain more importance? Manners. I’m not saying that we return to the sitting rooms of Victorian England, but a little bit of civility goes a long way. Etiquette can regulate our behaviour positively through kindness and allow us to play the social game more effectively.

Compassion and appreciation are at the core of certain practices. For example, you write those thank you cards because you recognize people’s efforts and thoughtfulness. I also don’t care if the Queen of England has to wait, you don’t start eating till all of your guests have arrived. You don’t look down on others because you’re secure in your positioning, and perhaps recognize that dumb luck is one of factors that placed you at an advantage. That does not mean that you’re not critical of how people operate. You just have enough sense to leave it alone and choose your battles, because really, at the end of the day it’s probably none of your business. I’m pretty sure that Prince William would be the most polite person you’ll ever meet. He has nothing to lose with treating others with reverence precisely because of his privilege. It’s the insecure people who are making it difficult for everyone.

Knowing the rules also allows you to play the game more effectively. The winners circle is formed by those who can read the social signifiers and strategize where they would like to go. It’s strange because a lack of manners comes in so many different forms: racism, sexism, ableism and other types of discrimination. I’ve felt more sorry than anything else for ignorant people. I feel sad that their perspectives are so narrow and small. I hope that these viewpoints are transformed with time and experience. I always try to correct when my own intolerance is expressed. But in your daily life, even if these practices cause hurt and scars, it’s best not to engage. When Lainey describes how the comedian Chelsea Handler has publicly made so many heinous comments against Angelina Jolie, she praises the Jolie’s tactics: “Radio silence. Chelsea doesn’t exist in heaven. That’s how it’s done.” I like it. Ignorance cannot exist on the high road, on our higher ground.