On the road

The first lie that parents-to-be tell themselves is that nothing will change.  Let me give it to you straight, everything changes.  You don’t sleep the same, you don’t eat the same, hell, you probably don’t see the same because you’re so tired.  But they make you better.  You love in a boundless way that you never thought was possible.  I would do anything for my son.  If running in front of a moving vehicle meant that he had more time to reach his potential I would do it gladly because I’ve lived plenty.

One aspect of my former life that I am not willing to part with is my love of travel.  I very much take on Angelina Jolie’s philosophy when she says: “Anytime I feel lost, I pull out a map and stare.  I stare until I have reminded myself that life is a giant adventure, so much to do, to see.”  Being forever rooted sounds like an absolute nightmare.  My husband feels the same way and has consequently chosen a career that is conducive to these types of dreams.  So when we planned for a family these intentions remained.

There are things that you cannot plan for though, like timing and the temperament of the child.  At certain ages it is much easier to travel on long-haul flights.  Granted, they may cry at times when they’re an infant, but you don’t have to walk up and down the aisle for hours on end like you would with a toddler.  Our neighbour once said that our son is full of beans.  He absolutely loves people and draws so much energy from them.  While saying this, he is not the best at waiting and biding his time.  For these types of children, a 12 hour flight is not the best idea till they are a bit older and can rationalize why it’s taking so long.  Hell, I’m 32 and I still find 16 hour flights to be killer.  But, those places will wait for you so bide your time too.

We’ve taken a few vacations and his grandparents have graciously cared for him in our absence.  But moving to Massachusetts has once again changed everything.  We just bring him everywhere now, from the bank to the grocery store.  We do so many more activities in small-town America than we ever did in Toronto.  This has shown us that if we raise our expectations for his behavior, he will rise to the occasion.  Of course it’s a learning process but with every road trip where he doesn’t ask to get up or event that he leaves without a fit, it builds our confidence that he’ll be ready in time for more major trips.

My advice to parents who are thinking of taking on these endeavors is to always have snacks and do activities that work with your child’s personality.  We always agreed that he will join our adventures because it’s an integral part of building his cultural capital.  Seeing the different ways that people live out their everyday lives transforms your perspective on privilege and contentment.  The other day I said to Andrew that when we’re in LA this summer we should take C to Disneyland.  To this, C replied, “We should go to China.  I want to go to China.”  I think he’s game non?

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