When we first arrived in Canada, calling my family in Burma used to be a huge production.  The long distance charges were expensive, the wires in Yangon were often frayed or broken and we phoned early in the mornings because of the time difference.  This resulted in short conversations where much of it consisted of inquiring about their meals and asking if they could hear us.  I was also often half-asleep.  This was unfortunate because I missed my family terribly and wanted to connect with them.  However, this situation helped to shape my philosophy on relationships.

There are few individuals I love more than my extended family in Burma.  Their love is vast and they love affectionately, openly and well.  It’s very easy to care for them because we are there for each other unconditionally and without judgement.  That’s what being a close-knit family means, not the minutes you clock in each other’s company.  It’s also because the connections are honest and we’re not desperately trying to avoid conflict.  People fight, people forgive, people share a meal.  Leaving them was very difficult and I always feel that it’s better when we’re together.  But we’re not together and that’s the point.

It’s almost comical to expect relationships to remain just as they are when there is an ocean between you.  You don’t even need physical space for partnerships to shift.  The saving grace is that after the initial shock of missing loved ones the flow of life starts to mold your days once more.  With that rhythm, landmarks and people become familiar and gradually you move on.  It’s alright you know.  You just start to have these pockets of networks in different locations.  They are all beautiful even if they’ll never overlap.  Because strangely enough you learn very quickly as a seven year old that pining for a former life doesn’t bring it back.  It’s painful but you just have to let go and fully embrace those times when you are lucky enough to meet each other again.  Be here now.

The first rule you learn in the sandbox is that you don’t engage the haters.  How did we forget such sage advice?  Haters will hate, people will talk, what can you do?  The principle behind it is that you can’t offer them an advantage.  As soon as you give them a reaction, which is the only thing they seek more than attention, they’ve already won.  For example, Renee Zellweger.  Jesus Christ, you are an Academy-Award winning actress.  It is nobody’s business what you do with your face.

Here’s the thing though, activism, open-mindedness, and defining yourself as a liberal generally means that you know when to play ball.  Being a caring individual demands it.  So often we want to stay quiet because it’s inconvenient, we don’t want to get in trouble or become an outsider.  In the face of any form of hatred, when someone else’s human rights are being compromised, it is our duty to speak up and to bear witness.

That is all the heavy stuff but in the more superficial realm of someone not liking you, well who really cares.  The best possible tactic you can take is to pay them no mind.  It’s always so easy to laugh behind a keyboard or with a group of girlfriends right?  Just remember that the person you’re ridiculing is someone’s sister, son, daughter or brother.  With all this in consideration, it takes a great deal of will-power not to involve yourself in these situations, especially when you’ve thought of something particularly witty to say.  Practicing radio silence is not easy.  But seriously, expend that energy somewhere else more productive and on someone more worthy.

Everyone is different.  Some provide a play-by-play of their daily life, others don’t.  But I guarantee that 99.9% of the time, both parties are doing just fine.