Dear John

Amidst all of the celebrities having their nude images leaked I said to Andrew, “how many times have we done long distance and there is not a single naked photo of me?”  Where are all the photographs of all the male celebrities without their clothes on?  Trust me, they exist but would never cause such a stir so what’s the point of releasing them?  Do not even get me started on that.

Andrew and I have been in a long distance relationship so many times that I’ve lost count.  And it will happen again.  He is in a field where you go on sabbatical every six years.  If I’m not in the position to leave my job for months at a time he will be living elsewhere on his own.  Plus, after a certain age you can’t pull your kids out of educational institutions to enroll them in international schools abroad.  So there you go.

But I feel like we’ve almost mastered it.  I spoke too soon when upon returning from my year in Thailand I said that we would never be apart again.  We’re sticking to those promises as best we can because I am currently living with him in the States where his tenure-track position is located.  Not that I would have it any other way.  There are few things better than adventure.  But soon enough I will have my own obligations and be fully to committed to my career.  I’m confident that it won’t break us though and here’s why.  The secret is to live your life and have faith in each other.  The days pass and then bam, you’re together again.

The fine print is that there has to be a time-limit.  If there is no end-point in sight you do run the risk of wanting someone else.  I’ve never been particularly good at long distance and the only person I would work at it for is Andrew.  I have no desire to wait by the phone.  So eventually this may wear on you and begin to fragment what you have together.  Here’s the reality, short and sweet.  Eventually you may get tired of waiting full stop, especially when someone could be there in your everyday.  Because the best part of the distance is that it makes your relationship have urgency.  The catch-up after a lengthy time apart is always passionate and exciting.  But there is also something to be said for waking up next to each other and being able to speak to someone about your context and them actually getting it.  Of course there are exceptions but overall one of you may have to make the move to make the relationship sustainable for the long run.  Sunday brunches every weekend never gets old but jealously sure does.



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