I’ve always imagined life to be a body of water.  I usually just jump right in, at times not thinking things completely through.  As a result I’ve made mistakes.  A whole whack of them.  But I think it’s just the way I’m wired, I almost revel in the messiness.  I know it’s not always easy to live with someone like that.  Good thing I’m married to my balance.  He grounds me and I pick him up.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect people to clean up after me.  One of the worst character traits is not being accountable for your actions and taking responsibility for the damage that you have caused.  Therefore, I know to finish what I start even if my actions have resulted in me being in a world of hurt and sheepishness.  But you have to step back and ask, why am I embarrassed?  Should I be?  It’s the judgement and slight to their egos that often prevents people from taking risks or asking for precisely what they want.  I mean I get it, there is comfort in fitting in.  I’m not sure if we ever leave the middle school gymnasiums where you want to be picked.  I think the gyms just get bigger and we just get smarter.  It’s great to have the ring, the mortgage, the wealth and the status.  But I think the reward of having designed a life that you love is so much more fulfilling.  The knowledge that you didn’t compromise your values gets you through the price you pay for such a life.  Lets face it, we won’t always get what we want.  Why do you think the Smiths begged “please please please let me get what I want this time?”  But something always happens, things change, you grow and move forward.  There’s comfort in that too right?

Sure, there are so many other realities that you could have had.  Maybe in some alternate universe I chose to stay at home and attend the University of Toronto.  Maybe I’m married to some doctor, probably Asian, and he buys me whatever purse I want at the duty-free airport store.  Maybe there are 100 different versions of us, different universes.  But I like this one, with a brave husband and a beautiful son.

“When you go, all I know is you’re my favourite mistake.”  Now try to hear these words in Sheryl Crow’s voice.  Her song about her relationship with the very married Eric Clapton.  Her song about how she wouldn’t take anything back.

I’ll own my mistakes thank you very much.  At least I’m living.  It’s the foolish ones who don’t at least try.