Flying solo

June 25, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / 2 Comments

Traveling alone is one of the best things you can do as a woman. It’s almost as if the positives and negatives go hand in hand. You have to consider your safety but that mindfulness forces you to build some character. Not having anyone to rely on, you learn to do things that you normally would have relegated to your partner, friend or mother. For example, I used to be awful at giving directions and it was a better option to ask a stranger on the street rather than have me read a map. Now, I am quite proficient at orienting us when we travel because I was forced to practice. I learnt to navigate street names and intersections because I had to find my way around in a strange place, often in the dark, slightly intoxicated and alone. The other benefit is that you challenge your preconceived notions about who you give the time of day. Being in a foreign country bonds individuals from different backgrounds together and it’s from these friendship that you recognize how distinctions enrich your life.

Being on my own also gave me the freedom to call all of the shots. I no longer had to consult another person and make concessions on film choices or the plans for an evening. Having been in a relationship since the age of 16 it was quite liberating. I ate alone and did not feel like a loser. But with all of that freedom from familial obligations came a whole lot of time and at some points boredom. Just like nothing good happens after 2 am nothing good comes from being idle. Lets just say that I went looking for some drama when it didn’t come a knocking. After I got that out of my system, I read a lot of books, drank some coffee, and sat in some air conditioned theatres to fill up the spaces and silences.

Within this context I spent many hours on my own. I still had my family of close friends with whom I connected with on a regular basis but this didn’t account for when I was traveling from site to site, researching and writing. Reflecting on it now there were several instances where I could have easily disappeared to never again see the light of day. But like with anything in life we roll the dice and hope for the good outcomes. I even took a romantic trip to Bali solo and ate breakfast in bed every single day. All of this is fine and good till several months into my time abroad I started preferring this state of solitude. The upside is that it’s rather peaceful to go days at a time not speaking to anyone. It was a whole lot less work that’s for sure. But when I started to view human interaction as a source of fatigue I knew I was on the precipice of some not so healthy tendencies. But there is a middle-ground between the extremes. There’s nothing worse than someone who cannot be fulfilled without some sort of social affirmation. The balance is just hard to achieve.

Please let me demonstrate the dangers of a hundred years of solitude. I recently saw a documentary called Guys and Dolls about men who buy life-size love dolls to serve as their companions. They speak to them, shower them with affection, perform sex acts and buy children’s clothes to dress them up. So, basically Lars and the real girl without Ryan Gosling to take the edge off. Now, there’s a politically correct reaction and a more honest one that I felt. Why don’t I give you both. PC: “well, that’s interesting.” Honest: “that’s some weird shit.” I have no problem with men owning dolls and I’m even fine with them assigning personality traits like meek, standoffish or traditional to them. We all have desires and enact them in various ways. Truly, I believe that as long as you’re not disrespecting or physically harming anyone there’s enough room for all of us. I am more uncomfortable with the motivations behind the ownership. Research indicates that many of these men have not been rejected by women and could probably have actual relationships, they would rather have a woman who will not speak back and whom they can fully control. They can’t achieve this with actual human beings with their flaws and multiplicities. I think that’s when your fantasies cross over to the slightly delusional and unhealthy side. When the uncertainty of life is a source of fear rather than excitement it might be time to ask yourself a few pertinent questions. In this life you cannot make anyone reciprocate your feelings or remain in love with you. Yes, people do leave but when this debilitates you it becomes kind of sad.

These stories are not be fetishized or gawked at. It’s a reality that we are continually becoming more disconnected and feelings of alienation can isolate the best of us. But perhaps instead of withdrawing completely to material cultures to cope it might be more fulfilling to try to make some contact. Join a drum circle, Amnesty international, a house league. Anything, just open the door and step outside.

Paris

June 23, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I hope that if I am a very good person I will be reborn as a Parisian. Seriously though, how does anyone get anything done in that city? If I was living there I would be too busy choosing my next outfit or kissing the beautiful, beautiful French men to do normal, mundane things like holding down a job or filing my taxes. My girl-crush began about a year ago when I started reading travel accounts, parenting and fashion guides by those lucky enough to call Paris their home. I’ve assigned the place a gender because I imagine her as a tall, willowy woman who does not give anyone the time of day. When we bought our tickets to visit, I told Andrew that my obsession with French culture had come full circle and that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that when you like and want someone so much, it always ends badly. Surprisingly my expectations were not shattered and I fell even harder. As if that’s even possible. I’ve put off writing this post for a long time because I find it difficult to articulate my affection for a place that mostly makes me see feelings and colours. So here is my attempt to express my love for a city where I will never ever belong.

The care and consideration that the French assign to their food is inspiring. It’s not just their emphasis on eating fresh, locally grown products but also in their practice of consumption. Many Parisians are trying to maintain a healthy weight because really, their exceptionally cut clothes would not fall the same way otherwise. As a result their portions are smaller but very flavourful. It’s as if they know that the first taste is the most enjoyable and what remains on your plate is filler. By introducing various dishes to their palate throughout the course of a meal, the process becomes much more of a sacred ritual, rather than to fulfill the caloric intake for the day. And surprisingly for someone whose weakness lies in sweets and pastries I did not eat them every hour. Perhaps it was because it was plentiful and ever-present, they became almost banal and I did not desire it as much.

Their relationship to material and sartorial cultures is equally as meticulous. Much of the clothing in Paris is fairly expensive, with sales only occurring a few times a year, so I wondered how there were still so many well-dressed individuals on the street. It’s because they do not take trends at face-value but rather invest in good-quality but classic pieces that plays on their strengths. This also goes hand in hand with being within a certain weight range because you cannot buy a new wardrobe annually. I’m pretty sure that you would go bankrupt. There also seems to be a social expectation to be well-groomed when entering society, not just to respect those around you but yourself.

Having produced some of the most influential theorists like Foucault, De Beauvoir, Derrida and Bourdieu engagement with the cultural and social milieu is encouraged. Now here comes my problem with Paris, one that I hope to address prior to returning to live there for an extended period of time. You need the language to even stand a chance. Every account I’ve read has detailed how difficult it is to breakthrough socially but at least by speaking broken French there is still the potential for encounters and perhaps friendship. Why do you think I want to reincarnated as Parisian and not just immigrate there? I’ve never felt more powerless than when I was stringing together nouns and verbs, and the only impression I gleaned was that they were being rude to me. Please, you find impolite people everywhere and they’re not worth wasting your mental energy over. Still, I wish I could know how annoying they find us “Americans.” But overall, Paris is a lovely place with some kind, considerate and fascinating souls. Truly, you do not disappoint and what is more seductive than a city that makes you want to put your best version forward, a community that makes you want to be better?

Becoming Kate

June 18, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I hate having such an unusual name. It’s a pain in the ass. Even at the age of 32 it is still a source of anxiety and it’s one that I can’t escape because it literally allows me to exist. This is the marker that signifies your relationship to the state through your citizenship, rights and privileges. It also impacts your personal life.

Having an identifier that is difficult to pronounce and spell has meant that I’ve never been able to graduate without whispering its correct pronunciation to the proctor. This name has further heightened the already existing tension of meeting new people and building networks. When I lived in Thailand for a year, many of the social interactions took place in bars. Most of my friends were expats but do you know how awkward it is to yell over the loud music and repeat my name for the umpteenth time? Then the questions about my background and the origins of the name begin, which yes can bring forth some great conversation, but it gets a bit old the twentieth time around.

All of these experiences influenced my decision to change it up a bit. A few years ago I was in a dressing room at Lululemon and they asked for my name to be written on the door. I replied “Kate” and with that the sales person smiled, spelt it correctly and told me to call her if I needed any assistance. There were no questions, no switching of letters, she was just on her merry way. For the first time I understood what the Jennifers of the world always get to feel. I was riding on a wave of ease and it was addictive. So I did it again. Over and over, at Starbucks, The Gap, Club Monaco, basically in any establishment which required this form of interaction.

The best way to rile up a graduate student is to bring up the word “normativity.” It is this process that people go on and on about for hundreds of pages trying to understand and challenge. We are trained to feel that there is nothing worse than to fall into the normative trap or to prescribe this existence for others. The creation of hard boundaries and characterizing individuals as deviants gets you kicked off the team. I’m just kidding, inclusivity is at the core of critical studies. You just get shamed and then kicked off the team. Obviously these theories are extremely important. I mean the world would still be unbearable without these contentions and the brave souls who are trying to slowly destabilize these systems. But you know what, it is also so incredibly appealing to be “normal.” The safety and comfort of fitting in is a situation that is hard to pull yourself out of. It’s hard to resurface. But who says everything has to be so difficult all of the time? If I’m going to fake it and pretend I might as well enjoy it. There is a threshold to all of this fun anyways because it is not possible to make this a legal reality. There would be far too many friends to tell, identification cards to change, aspects of my life to dismantle. I can never actually become Kate because I’m already someone else. That’s alright though. You can always play innocent games whenever you want.

Why the name Kate you might ask? What other name can make you think of fashionable, talented and interesting women in 5 seconds flat? Winslet, Bosworth, Mara, Middleton. They also have an air about them that is a bit reserved, calm and composed. I am not and will never be one of the Kate Hudsons of the world. You see, when I play dress-up I always use beautiful clothes.

My favourite mistake

June 11, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I’ve always imagined life to be a body of water. I usually just jump right in, at times not thinking things completely through. As a result I’ve made mistakes. A whole whack of them. But I think it’s just the way I’m wired, I almost revel in the messiness. I know it’s not always easy to live with someone like that. Good thing I’m married to my balance. He grounds me and I pick him up.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect people to clean up after me. One of the worst character traits is not being accountable for your actions and taking responsibility for the damage that you have caused. Therefore, I know to finish what I start even if my actions have resulted in me being in a world of hurt and sheepishness. But you have to step back and ask, why am I embarrassed? Should I be? It’s the judgement and slight to their egos that often prevents people from taking risks or asking for precisely what they want. I mean I get it, there is comfort in fitting in. I’m not sure if we ever leave the middle school gymnasiums where you want to be picked. I think the gyms just get bigger and we just get smarter. It’s great to have the ring, the mortgage, the wealth and the status. But I think the reward of having designed a life that you love is so much more fulfilling. The knowledge that you didn’t compromise your values gets you through the price you pay for such a life. Lets face it, we won’t always get what we want. Why do you think the Smiths begged “please please please let me get what I want this time?” But something always happens, things change, you grow and move forward. There’s comfort in that too right?

Sure, there are so many other realities that you could have had. Maybe in some alternate universe I chose to stay at home and attend the University of Toronto. Maybe I’m married to some doctor, probably Asian, and he buys me whatever purse I want at the duty-free airport store. Maybe there are 100 different versions of us, different universes. But I like this one, with a brave husband and a beautiful son.

“When you go, all I know is you’re my favourite mistake.” Now try to hear these words in Sheryl Crow’s voice. Her song about her relationship with the very married Eric Clapton. Her song about how she wouldn’t take anything back.

I’ll own my mistakes thank you very much. At least I’m living. It’s the foolish ones who don’t at least try.

On the brink

June 9, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

The philosophical musings on bathroom stalls are vastly underrated. The other day I saw the following written exchange:

Q: How do you I know I’ve met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?

A: When it’s not a struggle

This made me laugh, which is slightly awkward in a washroom filled with people. In precisely 5 words this individual has articulated the crux of why people choose to cut themselves loose or to stay. Every relationship, not just marriage, requires work. I think people are better able to maintain the viability of their partnerships if they enter into it with this knowledge. The moment you start taking each other for granted is the beginning of the end.

Having said this, life is way too short to be unhappy and working to revive something that is long gone. That’s why I never view divorce as a failure or pathology. Our identities are constantly in flux and it’s not surprising that things fall apart. The end of a marriage has its own complexities with messy emotions, the exchange of assets and hurtful words. A lawyer on the “Humans of New York” site eloquently describes this process: “I’ve been a divorce lawyer for 32 years. Not too many lawyers can stomach it. Divorce brings out the bad in good people, and the monster in bad people. Everyone wants to leave the table with a piece of the other.” However, I think it’s the aftermath of the legal proceedings that’s probably even harder to bear. Every account I’ve read has expressed some form of regret which is so masterfully examined in Lionel Shriver’s novel “The Post-birthday world” and deconstructed in Sarah Polley’s film Take this waltz. Even the ultimate symbol of surviving divorce, Elizabeth Gilbert, admitted that she missed her husband in “Committed”, the follow-up to her best-selling memoir. That’s when I officially said, Liz, you just killed my buzz. After eating, praying and loving you still wonder how he’s doing? But that’s the kicker, you will probably always love someone even if you don’t want to share your life with them.

Andrew and I used to live in a building with a courtyard. Not having air conditioning our windows were always open and the fans were constantly buzzing. One night the power went out and while I’m worried about heat stroke, Andrew’s frazzled that he can’t watch “Mad Men.” He proceeds to yell out into the courtyard, “my stories, my stories” and two residents actually looked up, concerned that they are living with a crazy person. I’ve told him several times to remind me of this moment, the yelling and the “stories” if we are ever on the brink of divorce. Because it is at this exact moment that I thought he was the bee’s knees, the best, the “one.” My friend D says that you will never get through marriage without humor and it’s so true. When I picture myself as a 60 year old there are several things that I wish for and will probably work very hard to bring about. I want to be happy, I want to be at Martha’s Vineyard wearing linen, to live in Paris as much as possible, and I want to read all the time. When I picture this, I see my husband there with his wit, his wine and his serious heart. I want him to be there. That’s how I know that we’ll probably be alright.

View from above

June 6, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

P.K. Subban is a player in the National Hockey League and is of African-American descent. When he scored the winning goal against the Boston Bruins on May 1, allowing his team to advance in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, people threw garbage at him and called him the n-word on Twitter. When asked by journalist Chris Johnston to comment on these events his response was: “I don’t know. It doesn’t even matter.” My gut reaction to this is, but P.K., it does matter.

This reminds me of a scene in the Mira Nair film The Reluctant Fundamentalist, which chronicles the pursuit and eventual disenfranchisement with the American dream for a South Asian man. The book is brilliant but unfortunately its merits didn’t quite translate very well on screen. Really, you couldn’t put one more light in the Islamabad scenes which are predominantly set in the restaurant? I can barely see their faces and it’s veering dangerously close to the problematic “Heart of Darkness” imagery. The saving grace is Riz Ahmed and his charisma, talent and bone-structure. As an Oxford-educated British actor and musician, Ahmed is definitely contributing to his craft in very interesting ways. To return to the film, I want to discuss its most poignant scene because it relates to what life is like for all of us at the margins. The protagonist named Changez is interviewing for a very competitive position with a prestigious bank. The interviewer (Kiefer Sutherland) will eventually become his mentor and biggest supporter but in this instance he mainly discusses where Changez is “from” and how the scholarships must have really helped him attend Princeton. God forbid that a racialized man would come from a family of means and social standing. Finally he questions him on why he just didn’t attend school in Pakistan, I mean that’s where he belongs right? To this Changez replies, “Because in America you can win. And I will win whether you give me the job or not.” That’s it, with that moment right there I feel like he summed up how we, the marginalized, are conditioned to think. It’s like we constantly say, “What, you’re not going to let me earn it in one step? That’s fine, whether it takes 5 or 25 steps I will get there.” We learn to get the job done.

So perhaps P.K. Subban is right and it doesn’t matter. I don’t know his story but I can imagine what it was like to try to breakthrough in a sport made up of predominantly middle-class White boys whose parents can afford the lessons and equipment. I’m not suggesting that the Subban family could not, I just bet that the locker rooms weren’t always the easiest places to be. What P.K. Subban is saying is that he will not be defined by people’s ignorance or the labels they are forcing on him. His identity won’t be reduced to the colour of his skin. He won’t be put in his place. There’s poetic justice in it right? In rising above?

Good enough

June 5, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. For every article out there written by women sharing their experiences, I promise you that there are 10 to 1000 individuals making fun of it. Constructive criticism is not the same as ridicule.

Practices like that caused women to hide their gender to publish. It made women keep their mouth shut for decades because they felt that their stories didn’t matter. It’s for people like you that post-colonial writers integrate words from their language and not provide a translation.

My question is do you think any of these individuals would have the guts to lay their joys, fears and flaws bare to help demonstrate the complexities of the human condition? Doubtful. Yes entitlement is a problem and no, not everything is great or special, but that doesn’t make it any less of a contribution to the dialogue.

Dear haters: be better.

Raising a man

June 2, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / 2 Comments

I have no qualms admitting that I’ve always thought that I was better suited to raise a daughter. For my entire life I’ve just related more easily to women and it’s not surprising. My parents are both one of 5 children and all but one had daughters. So basically, I was amongst an army of girls and empowered, smart girls at that. Men, well at least men I’m attracted to, always turn me into gobbley goop. In fact I’m even surprised that I managed to get married and if I wasn’t, the dating world would have eaten me alive.

So, when I found out that I was having a son, a part of me was a bit nervous. God, I didn’t even know how to shop for his clothes. Me. Not knowing how to shop for clothes. Well, it’s two years later, I’ve figured all that stuff out and I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have C. in my life. I would never say that he is easy. When he was in the womb the doctor always marvelled at how strong and fast his heart was. Well, he came running into the world, ready to live and know everything. I think he practices the concept of “joie de vivre” better than most people. But with that strong will comes frustration. Thankfully, he gets frustrated less easily now because he has the language to articulate his questions, opinions and charm. To me he’s smart, lovely and at times my everything. But I am conscious of all the pressures and expectations that he’ll face in his life. Therefore, I try my best to prepare him for it all, to have the solid foundation of his parents to turn to when he’s finding a place for himself in this world.

I once told one of Andrew’s colleagues that I’ve always wanted a daughter because of my politics and feminist beliefs. She said something to me then that made so much sense. A mother of two sons herself she said, “I want to raise kind, good men because I think that’s important too.” And it’s so true. We can always use more men who are secure enough to not be intimidated or slighted by strong women. We need men who love women and themselves, not their ego. He definitely has a great role model in his father. My husband has never been afraid to take chances and to find a path that reflects his wants and wishes. He is secure enough in himself that very few things bother him.

Unfortunately, so much of the performance of masculinity is based on disrespecting others. So that’s what I’m trying to counter. In truth, I will be the first to sign him up for hockey, soccer, golf and ski lessons. It’s not necessarily because I expect him to act a certain way, I just want him to be around driven people and to be inspired by them. What’s wrong with expecting excellence in yourself? People speak so much of the negativity of pressure but there are positives to competition too. I will try to teach him to acknowledge his fears but to overcome them. Because lets face it, growing up as a male in North America he will be taught soon enough that he can’t fear anything. There are always rewards to performing a certain type of masculinity and I want him to find himself amongst all of that but to strive for more. So he’ll play the piano, learn to appreciate art and what makes the world beautiful and worthwhile. I hope that he will understand his privilege and the different (not lesser) state of others in the world.

Because there’s going to be a point when my job will be done and he’s going to have to decide what is right or wrong for him. I’m just trying to equip him with the empathy, morals and values to influence those choices. That’s when I hope our relationship will change. Where we are there for him as parents but that he will have his own life and privacy, much like we have ours. This is when we can’t and won’t really judge his decisions anymore. I’ve always told my husband that I’ll know that we’ve done a good job if he wants to vacation with us, to spend time with us. But at the moment he’s my snuggle monster and that’s my favourite part of the day. It’s when we’re lounging in bed, when he’s in my arms telling me about his friends, toys and snacks at daycare. You, me and Freud know that this won’t last forever but I hope that he’ll grow up not being afraid to treat others well, that it doesn’t make him a lesser person. Knowing that love does not make him weak.

After the party

May 30, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

I once said “there’s nothing like a social climber trying to prove their worth with a major celebration.” Wow, that sounded much harsher in print but I don’t mean for it to be. We’re all social climbers, and probably always will be unless you’re Prince William. Negotiating the intricate workings of the class system is inescapable and we try to survive through markers of privilege and accomplishments. It requires work but those who are best make it seem effortless. Because of the ease with which they read contexts and people they are often rewarded with praise, love and popularity. There’s probably a reason why the word “cool” denotes lack of passion. Those who know best could care less what you think of them, or at least they give that impression, and it’s irresistible. One of my favourite phrases is “fake it till you make it” because it denotes the performance aspect of confidence, backed up with some level of competence. Till you’re established on solid ground I think most of us have to not be disingenuous per say, but sometimes pretend to be more than the sum of our parts. I guess it’s a good form of hustling right, and you are nowhere without working hard and having some of that finesse.

One of the biggest performances people take part in is through their wedding and I feel like this is just an extension of the social project. One of the curses of grad school is that you start to see through everything. My husband loves it because it’s a part of his nature but I just find it exhausting sometimes. On occasion it’s a bit more fun to enjoy things at the surface level right? But, now I can’t even help it if I wanted to and it’s made worse by the fact that I married someone who sees the same strings on people’s show. Don’t get me wrong, we are the first to point out our strings too, it’s just that we can sometimes push each other on and be a bit judgemental. Returning to the wedding, I always love a good party and so I found planning my own not a source of stress at all. The only difficult part was trying to balance the budget and this is where I continually reminded myself of the performance aspect. Did I really need that centrepiece? What am I trying to say with it? Do I need it to prove something? This was also coloured by my own perspective of how I was about to enter marriage, not a fancy dress ball. I preferred to be grounded. From the minute I started to plan the whole thing I knew that it was a commitment to work. I regret being way too pragmatic now because I think it took away some of the romance of it. If I had to do it over that’s the only thing I would change—to have a more balanced approach of practicality and emotions. But really, when you already live with your husband, do you need to be apart the night before the wedding? I didn’t give into that superstition or tradition because when you’ve known each other since you were 14 and started dating at 16, you go through a lot and you’re more confident that you can probably get though anything. So, when I designed our wedding day, the most important thing to me was that it represented us. There’s definitely some negotiation involved in the process and you make concessions due to cost and parental wishes, but that’s the one thing I didn’t want to lose. Some people say that they barely remember their wedding day but I feel lucky that this was not the case for me. Weather-wise, there were thunder storms throughout the whole day, less than ideal yes but it was almost a relief. As soon as that happened I literally just said forget it, I’m going to have fun. The pressure was gone and I began to relish in the most important part: the people. We just felt like it was one of those rare moments when the whole room was filled with people, from all over the world, to love us and wish us the best. So, I ate my dinner, enjoyed the company of my best friends in the wedding party, did not walk around the room once during the reception, danced and drank some vodka. You only get one day and my advice to a bride is to remember your partner, be with each other and float in the warmth. Having such a day gave me something to come back to in my marriage. Through the hard times, because trust me we’ve had plenty after that party in August six years ago, I try to reconnect with that day and how I felt. There was a support system there, our guests wanted our union to succeed, to thrive, and so it made me return to him, us, our history. That’s what your wedding day is for.

Embodiment

May 27, 2014November 10, 2014 / smithei / Leave a comment

They often say that managing our bodies is all about control. Well of course it is. I’m not trying to make light of the pressures that exist for both sexes to conform to certain societal expectations of thinness or muscular definition. After all, it’s this ultimate performance that causes the breakdown of will, wears on bodies and can result in death. What I do want to do is to bring out some of the complexities in these stories because after all, the easy way out is to blame it all on society, magazines and love songs. Whenever anything is too easy that’s when I become suspicious and I know that there is more to discuss, unpack and tease out.

As women, our bodies change throughout our life phase. Our present image may not reflect our fourteen, twenty-two or forty year old selves. However, I find that the body is often most scrutinized when you are an expectant mother. This is probably one of the only times when you’re allowed to gain weight and not feel marginalized because of the added mass. In my own experience, I loved it because for the first time since my prepubescent days I didn’t need to be self-conscious of my protruding stomach. Rather, my body was celebrated, problematically of course, as the ultimate as a marker of femininity. But this changes rather quickly when you’ve given birth to your child and those pressures to present a normative aesthetic return. It’s not just your independence and regular sleep patterns that you lose in the first few months, it’s also having to live in a body that you might no longer recognize, with scars and badges of how you and your life has changed. So where do you go from here?

The cruelty of the beauty industry has long been documented but what about the pleasures? I believe that this portrait is too reductionist and doesn’t show the agency of choosing the outcome. Is there not satisfaction in trying, through self-discipline and hard work, to have your body be the vessel of your inner self? With confidence and self-worth you are often able to present a more nuanced version of yourself that can not only impact your professional life but personal as well. Who doesn’t want to be around someone who is completely comfortable in their own skin? Lets keep it real, we all have moments of self-doubt but happiness can help you become more resilient. Probably the two most important lessons I’ve learnt thus far are that not everyone will like you and that it’s much easier to enjoy the peaks when you no longer fear the valleys. What’s to fear anyways? We all have our ticket for when to leave, it’s just a matter of enjoying each day that we’re given. So I say take pleasure in your body, whatever form it takes. And let go of the guilt that you’re just giving into what is expected of you.